Effective Relationship Communication Will Bring a Couple Closer

In everyday life we communicate with a lot of people. We talk at work to give reports, we go out with friends and we talk, talk, and talk. So why is it so impossible to communicate with someone that we are dating?

Go into any bookstore and you will find whole sections of titles that speak of nothing but relationships and communication. Go into any self-help section in a library and you will see the same topics. Relationships are an enigma to most people and even though there is a wealth of information about them, how to do them still baffles us.

Every relationship is about communication whether it is a friendship or an intimate partnership. Communication begins when you are a child and whatever style you learned then, you still use now.

There are two communication styles when used people wonder why they are not understood:

1. Because I Said So - Baby Boomers grew up with adults telling them this at every turn. Today, many couples do not take time to say how they feel in stressful situations. Instead, they give a variation of this and walk away instead of talking about what they are feeling.
2. Not Right Now Honey, I'm Busy - this style has come with the cell phone generation when everyone is too busy to be close. Instead of a couple coming together for an intimate evening alone, one or both is plagued by the cell phone's interruption.

These communication styles do not promote effective communication. Both parts of a couple have to go past what they have learned and begin to tell each other what is going on.

Although there are psychics in the world who claim to read minds, most people cannot do this when they are dating and they should not be expected to do so. Instead, communication needs to be daily and when challenges come up they need to be dealt with quickly.

We get into a lot of game playing, especially when we are dating and all we need is honesty. Not the honesty that blames the other person but the kind that says, Here's what I am feeling and then space is made by both parties to talk about how they are feeling and what they need.

For effective communications couples should learn to talk to each other about little things and then build as time goes on. They must become friends first and then allow themselves to get intimate later. When couples have friendship as their foundation they can always fall back on it when times are tough.

Effective communication means learning to be intimate with each other by holding each other, touching each other and getting to know what makes each other attractive. Life is about creating a space to come together that is safe to say what you think.